Five Finger Death Punch bassist Chris Kael recently offered an unfiltered look into his personal journey through addiction and growth during an episode of the Blood & Breakthrough podcast. Opening up about the relapse that hit during the pandemic, Kael shared what it taught him – not just about recovery but about himself.
“I first got sober back in 2018,” Kael explained (via Blabbermouth). “I went a couple of years, had a slide during the pandemic. I thought I had things under control, but then I was very much… That relapse was a godsend for me, honestly.”
The pandemic shut down touring, and for Kael, that meant more than just a change of schedule. It revealed something deeper. “Going into groups, hearing other people talking about, 'Oh, relapse is part of the process' and 'sometimes it takes a couple of times,' I was very much on my high horse, like, 'Me, I'm perfect.' So when it hit me, I realized that I'm an emotional trigger guy.”
He described how a breakup and the sudden halt of life on the road collided at a vulnerable time. “I wasn’t touring. I didn’t know when I was gonna be able to tour… I realized that I had an attachment to being in Death Punch that I didn't think… At that point, I didn't think that I had an attachment. I was, like, 'This is a good gig, but that's not all I am.' But then take away any chance of going out and living your purpose… I was completely lost.”
It was in this low point, he says, that growth began. “In my darkest times, that's where I find my biggest strengths and my biggest growth.”
Kael's outlook on adversity has shifted significantly since then. “Anytime something bad has happened – bad; there is no good, there is no bad; it's all what happens [in your head] – but anything that I perceived as happening to me, I now see as happening for me.”
He spoke about shedding old ways of thinking, relationships, and habits that no longer served him. “I got rid of the 'victim' mentality, got rid of people, places, and things that were no longer serving me. I continue to do that today… Having gone through another breakup back in December… I actually had hopes for this one, but I can only control my side of the street.”
Kael also reflected on a period of personal transformation over the last few months. “Even just in the last three months, I've had so much personal growth. I was running ragged out on the last tour. We toured the world with Metallica, going all over the place. I was definitely spread thin.”
But things have shifted. “Now that I’ve got my resilience reservoir back up… life is good, man. I’ve lost 13 pounds in the past two months… My goal was I was turning 50 back in May and I wanted to lift a 500-pound deadlift… but I hit 550 two weeks before I turned 50, so now 600 I’m going after. I’ve got a great trainer and just incredibly supportive people.”
Part of what’s helped Kael stay focused, he says, is the company he keeps. “Surrounding yourself with like-minded people who are goal-oriented, going after stuff, aren't just floating through life… Elevate your circle. You'll elevate as well. And when you're elevated, you can elevate others as well. And if you're not doing that, why elevate in the first place?”
It’s that drive to elevate others that inspired him to launch a new podcast, Beardo & Weirdo, with comedian Craig Gass. “Even with the new podcast, I was fairly apprehensive about opening up too much. There's tossing pearls before swine. People will take the stuff that you're putting out there to help others and turn that against you. But who cares? If you're gonna do that, that sounds like a 'you' problem; that's not a 'me' problem.”
With his platform in Five Finger Death Punch, Kael feels a responsibility to be open, especially with a fan base that includes many who may be hesitant to talk about mental health. “We've got a lot of military, a lot of firefighters, a bunch of big tough guys… People who don't want to talk about stuff going on in their life. I like to open up. I'm hoping that that gives an example for others who also try to hold on to the 'tough guy' thing… Get it out. You're driving yourself crazy. Trust me. I know.”
